Embarrassing stuff I've done...

There's not a soul in the world that hasn't had a cringe-worthy, curl up in a ball and swallow me up moment. It's one of the funny things about life. No matter how fabulous you may be, at some point you're gonna hurl on your new dress and strut through a bar trailing loo roll on your designer shoes. Shit. just. happens. And personally, I love it! Perhaps not so much when I'm the one that life has decided to take the royal piss out of, but they're the kind of moments that make for good stories further down the road. 
I feel like starting this with a, 'don't judge me but...' however I fully expect that you will, but here are my red-face inducing, snippets of life plastered on the internet for the world and his dog to read. Enjoy. 
Embarrassing moment number 1. There's just no chance of maintaining any level of dignity when you take your pet guinea pig to the vets, point out a 'concerning' lump, only to be told that said lump is actually a penis. m.o.r.t.i.f.i.e.d. 
Embarrassing moment number 2. Feeling some smug, Lewis Hamilton level of skilled on your driving test only to be told to pull over and kindly informed that you're actually driving down the wrong side of the road. It's safe to say I failed that time. 
Embarrassing moment number 3. Chewing gum whilst having a family photograph taken, only to be pictured with a hideously contorted face. Made worse by the fact that it got superimposed onto a plate and passed around my entire family for shits and giggles. 
Embarrassing moment number 4. Drunkenly using the smoothest chat up line; 'So you're the hottest guy in Doha?' to an actual living, breathing human being! Did I catch him whilst he was on his own? Did I heck. This unholy level of cringe was played out for all to see. Although; in fairness to me, I'm now due to marry the guy so I guess it kinda worked! Go me!
Embarrassing moment number 5. Pretty much my entire existence at university. 
Embarrassing moment number 6. Thinking you can dye your hair blonde, (from dark brown) with a home bleaching kit. Hello orange hair! 
Embarrassing moment number 7. Contracting some out-of-this-world food poisoning whilst stuck out in the slums in Sri Lanka on an hour long drive to the airport. Not a solid house-like structure in sight, let alone a bathroom. The only thing that could make this situation any worse would be if some idiot decided to wear a playsuit that day.. Oh wait! 
Embarrassing moment number 8. Painting whiskers on your face like the mature year 11 student that you are, and running around the school corridors with your mate, pulling faces at your friends through the classroom windows, only to be caught by your teacher and the deputy head. We were made to stand and receive our bollocking with our handiwork still blazoned across our face for everyone to see. 
Embarrassing moment number 9. Almost setting fire to your vaj whilst trying to rescue your handbag from red-hot, shisha coals that some wise guy had knocked over. Melted my tights to my inner thigh and ended up in hospital, only to have the male nurse misunderstand my story and tell the entire ward I'd burnt myself on a shish kebab. And here's me thinking life couldn't get any lower!
Embarrassing moment number 10. Trying to act calm and collected when the slightest, unsavoury thing happens; but in fact just fainting because you're a sad excuse for a human being.
Embarrassing moment number 11. Thinking it's cool to drink cider with your mates when you're 14 years old. Getting so drunk that you fall face first in a pile of mud and have to be carried home. Once home, you realise you've got a tonne of dirt in your mouth and spit it out, only to inadvertently spit on your grandma.    So we're still not judging right? Pop your cringe-worthy moments in a comment below and let me know that I'm not alone in this cruel, 'what the hell is life?' world!